she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
