Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
