so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
