At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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