So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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