So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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