You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
only if we run a train.
done.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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