Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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