it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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