We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
