There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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