I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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