I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
