I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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