Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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