how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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