They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
