I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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