at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
