You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
