i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
