GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
