Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
