So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
