My hand turned me down
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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