I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
