I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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