You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
