i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
