what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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