I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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