sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
