i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
