Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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