she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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