sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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