I CAN MOONWALK!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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