The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
