I wanna bring you to show and tell
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
