i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
