I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
