i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
