do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
