sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
