I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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