Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
