I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
