Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
