I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
