Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
